Hello ,

First, a belated and heartfelt Happy New Year to those readers utilizing a “western” calendar and an early Happy New Year to those readers in “the east!”

I've been so touched – and feel so grateful – during the last month as I've read and listened to the responses to our last issue on “Gratitude.” Several people commented that the ideas were “useful” and I was reminded of Leo Rosten's quote:

“I cannot believe that he purpose of life is to be ‘happy.' I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is above all, to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made a difference."

Mr. Rosten captures a lot of what motivates me in life and to have something I wrote be labeled “useful” is received as very high praise indeed.

If becoming a better public speaker – either as a career or in organizational or community service environment – is part of your personal growth and development plans, I urge you to check out Alan Parisse's training program described in this month's Rave Recommendation...or call me personally.

Our feature this month is a further (and VERY useful) exploration of “Gratitude” with some specific practices inspired by the Japanese conflict-resolution tool, Naikan.

There's big news from your humble (?) scribe about our corporate structure and, as always I'll also share some favorite quotes.

Be extraordinary!

Robert White

A monthly eZine dedicated to assisting people in living extraordinary lives and creating extraordinary organizations.

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In this issue:

• Feature: The Practice of Gratitude
• Extraordinary Wisdom Quotes of the Month
• Our New Company - Balance Point International
• Rave Recommendation from Robert
• Extraordinary Living Action Steps

Many of you are aware that I spent a total of 12 years of my adult life resident in Japan – it was a period of great learning, growth and accomplishment plus I made so many life-long friends. One is David Reynolds, cultural anthropologist, author of “Quiet Therapies: Japanese Pathways to Personal Growth” and many other books.

David is well-known for having introduced Naikan (pronounced Nye Con) and Morita therapies to the West. Naikan has been used in Japan for many years as a conflict-resolution tool in the workplace, for marriage counseling, to heal addictions and in work with prisoners. My direct personal experience is that the ideas work just as well in the West and that they are simple, powerful and follow the Hippocratic Oath's admonition to “first do no harm.”

A simple translation of ‘Naikan' is “inner observation” or “seeing oneself through the mind's eye.” If you'd like to learn more, I recommend David's book which you can locate in the on-line bookstores (Amazon or Barnes and Noble) or order from your local bookseller. Should your interest be other good books or in a retreat or distance learning or an audio tape, Greg Krech's organization The To Do Institute can be checked out at:

http://www.todoinstitute.org/

And now back to our subject...and a VERY simplified idea about how to apply the principles of Naikan in your daily life.

Naikan recommends that we focus our attention on “us,” our own conduct in all of our relationships – personal and professional. In that sense, it is consistent with all of my teachings over the past thirty years on the power of personal responsibility. Naikan also makes the useful distinction between our circumstances (life events) and our feelings about those same circumstances, and in so doing we are exposed to a choice other than victimhood.

The key aspect of this self reflection practice is to learn to express gratitude rather than anger and blame toward others . A necessary quality of this approach is to take time, to pause and reflect – despite the pressures our culture and our busy life choices place upon us – and to answer, for ourselves, three very important and revealing questions.

• What have I received from...?
  (person, event, job, event or circumstance)
   
• What have I given to...?
  (same person, event, job, event or circumstance)
   
• What difficulties have I caused...?
  (same person, event, job, event or circumstance)

Be as specific as possible in completing these sentences. While I can't predict your exact experience with this simple exercise – and acknowledging that doing it with another person and with expert coaching in one of the Naikan sessions at The To Do Institute would be ideal – my own experience is that what I have received and the trouble I've caused almost always exceeds what I have given. It's a liberating realization and leads to a certain kind of healing and wholeness that is difficult to express.

Now you may want to ask what David Krech calls “the absent fourth question” which is “what troubles and difficulties did person or ??? cause you?” To do so will take you off track and back into self-pity and victimhood.

Learn more below in our Extraordinary Living Action Steps.

Our theme this month is developing the practice of gratitude...

You may have noticed that this eZine is more than a little late...and if you were waiting eagerly next to your virtual mailbox, I apologize! I've made some significant changes in focus and organizational structure and it took more time than I planned to handle the mechanics of the changes.

Perhaps like many of you I spent some time near year end to revisit my personal purpose, vision and goals. That process led to the decision to close ARC Worldwide and join my long-time friend Ron Tate's company, Balance Point International, as Chief Learning Officer and Senior Consultant.

Of course, I'll continue to work with a select few CEO's as an Executive Coach, coordinate the sales and delivery of the Value 2 Management training program in Denver and work with executive teams on alignment, focus and commitment.

Should you have questions about this change, feel free to telephone or e mail me (and notice the address change) at

Robert@BalancePointInternational.com

And check out our website at:

http://www.BalancePointInternational.com

Last October I highly recommended my friend and Extraordinary Living Seminar participant Alan Parisse and his program, THE SPEAKING INTENSIVE.

Alan, no “armchair expert,” is one of the highest rated professional public speakers in America, an inductee of the National Speaker's Association Hall of Fame and was named by Successful Meetings Magazine “One of the Top 21 Speakers for the 21 st Century.” He is both witty and wise.

He is the “real deal” and is my coach as a public speaker. The really good news is that Alan has chosen to again deliver.

THE SPEAKING INTENSIVE…April 1-2, 2005 in beautiful Boulder, Colorado . Two days that will change the way you see your audience and your career.

Every great leader and manager I know is also an effective and entertaining public speaker who truly connects with their audience. This is a dynamite program that I know you'll enjoy and benefit from.

Go to http://www.parisse.com to learn more, read past participant comments and register.

Alan Parisse is simply “da best.”

As always…simple and not easy:

First, actually “be with” the three questions about any person or event or circumstance that might be troubling you:

• What have I received from…...?
• What have I given to…...?
• What difficulties have I caused…...?

Avoid that “absent fourth question” about how someone or something “did it to you.” It is not useful.

Remember that truth is in the specific details so think deeply, perhaps write out your answers and take time for deep reflection – avoid generalizations.

Healing and wholeness are outcomes of a process where you gain a new awareness that our pain and suffering take place in the context of a life that is mostly full of love and support.

Gregg Krech says, and I agree, “doing Naikan is like doing research on your life. You start by collecting data. Then you analyze your data, and finally you draw your conclusions...If I were to go to bed right now, I would be in greater debt (to others) than when I woke up this morning. I think it is great to be conscious of that. In my selfish, angry or judgmental moments, I forget it, and that's why it's important to keep up the practice, as a regular reminder.”

And, e-mail me anything you learn about you and others in this process – your experiences inspire and motivate me.

Wishing you an Extraordinary Life and Extraordinary Organizations,

Robert

Robert White
Chief Learning Officer
Balance Point

P. O. Box 40405
Denver , CO 80204
Phone: 1-425-803-0303
E-mail: Robert@BalancePointInternational.com

http://www.BalancePointInternational.com

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